


Slow Burning Candle

by GaHoolianGirl



Series: A Warden and his Assassin [12]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: (on Morrigan's part), Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, End Game, Leli only pops up for a line, M/M, Morrigan's dark ritual, spoilers for end game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 18:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7518494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaHoolianGirl/pseuds/GaHoolianGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Gideon shook his head, before placing it in his hands, “It’s not you. I’ve just...” he sucked in a deep breath, and his voice shook, “I’ve done something terrible.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What could you have possibly done-”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I slept with Morrigan.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slow Burning Candle

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this at 3 a.m so I'm hoping I still think this is good in the morning. As always this features my Warden, Gideon Cousland.
> 
> I usually follow the dialogue path, when talking to Morrigan about the ritual, where she brings Zevran up. It's painful, but it's good motivation for Gideon. This is my take on the aftermath of that decision.

* * *

Zevran’s candle burned dangerously low as he waited for Gideon to join him. He had factored in his Warden desiring some alone time to gather his thoughts and steel himself for the monumental battle the next day, but by now he should have...

His thoughts were broken by three slow, heavy knocks on his door. He wouldn’t admit this to anyone else, but he scrambled out of bed to run and open it. He had a grin on his face and a witty comment about the wait that died on his tongue.

Gideon’s expression was as despondent as he’d ever seen it, and they had seen each other through some of the most difficult times in their respective lives. The Warden walked into the room like one of the undead they had fought in this very estate, and sat on the bed, eyes downcast.  Zevran gingerly shut the door behind him, quickly moving to join him.

“What’s-” _wrong?_ He was about to ask, but given the circumstances, that didn’t seem like the best question, “What has brought this about?”

“You trust me, right, Zev?” the question and the wild look in Gideon’s eye were both very abrupt, and took Zevran aback.

“I- Of course I do, my Warden. Have I given you any cause for doubt?” Zevran was sure his voice sounded more vulnerable than he would have liked.

Gideon shook his head, before placing it in his hands, “It’s not you. I’ve just...” he sucked in a deep breath, and his voice shook, “I’ve done something terrible.”

“What could you have possibly done-”

“I slept with Morrigan.”

Oh. _Oh Maker_.

Months ago, that would have come as no surprise. Well, slight surprise given his knowledge of Gideon’s inclination, but to hear he slept with someone else would not have shocked him. Then, their relationship had been physical.

At least, they had convinced themselves it was.

But now, those words stung him, and stung him _hard._ He knew Gideon had no interest in women, yet this news still somehow got under his skin, “Why, why would, why, I don’t,” words were always Zevran’s speciality, and now he had none, his mind clouded by shock.

“To slay an Archdemon, a Grey Warden has to die,” Gideon looked up at him again, tears threatening to spill, “The Archdemon’s soul searches for the nearest tainted being. If it were a darkspawn, the Blight would continue. But if it were a Grey Warden...the beast would die.”

He rubbed the heel of his hand into his right eye, “It was some dark ritual...Morrigan promised that if I...if I slept with her, that a child would be conceived, to receive the taint. So I didn’t have to die.”

Each word sounded like it was being ripped from Gideon’s throat, and Zevran’s beating heart finally calmed.

“I did it for you! I couldn’t just...leave you behind. It felt horrible, I feel horrible, I am horrible...”

Zevran lifted Gideon’s head up so they were looking eye-to-eye, “You are not a monster for wanting to survive. You are not horrible for doing what you thought was best. We have both slept with dozens before we even met,. You sleeping with one woman, an act you don’t derive any pleasure from, does not and could not shake my trust in you.”

He kissed the human’s cheek, “Please, trouble yourself no longer.”

Gideon’s expression was still conflicted, but he managed a shaky smile to appease his partner. Pleased with himself, Zevran stood to blow up the stub that remained of his candle.

“Has our dear witch drained you of all your energy, or would you perhaps like me to make you _feel better_?” his words dripped with his usual (if not slightly more urgent) suggestion.

With a quiet murmur of “Yes, Maker please yes,” Gideon gently tugged on Zevran’s arm, and together they fell back onto the covers, taking solace in each other’s body to forget the horrors from recent days, and the horrors yet to come.

* * *

 It was easy to forget the night before when hashing and slashing away at seemingly endless hordes of darkspawn. It was monotonous and the act was killing was one so automatic to Zevran that it required few of his mental faculties.

However, the previous evening came rushing back to him as he watched, helplessly, as Gideon charged towards the dragon with some rusty greatsword he had picked up.

 **_A Grey Warden has to die,_ ** a little voice in his head nagged.

_He performed that ritual with Morrigan. He’ll live!_

**_A Grey Warden has to die._ **

As he battled with his own mind, a great beam of light appeared from where Gideon stood, and all time seemed to stop, along with what felt like Zevran’s heart. He wanted to trust his lover’s words, that he’d be fine, he trusted Morrigan...in his mind, he could hear Gideon from last night, furiously muttering _I love you, Maker above Zevran I love you-_ as if saying goodbye.

When the dust had settled, a thundering cheer arose from below them as the darkspawn receded. It barely registered in Zevran’s mind as he ran as fast as his legs could take him to the spot where Gideon lay prone, holding the human’s head.

“Gideon? My Warden!?” his voice rose in pitch, then came crashing down into a desperate whisper, “ _Mi amor..._ ”

Like if some power above felt his pain, the Warden’s eyes cracked open, one at a time, until his dark eyes were looking up at the elf who was holding him.

“Zev...ran?”

His only answer was a kiss pressed to his dry lips, and a muffled sob.

* * *

 “Morrigan’s gone?” Gideon questioned Leliana once they had regrouped. Logistically, it would have made more sense for him to be leaning on Alistair for support, but Zevran wouldn’t let anyone else do it.

“We were so caught up in the celebrations...when we though to look for her, she was gone,” the bard shook her head, “She didn’t leave a trace behind. She probably flew off as a bird.”

Gideon looked up at the sky, and the others around him did the same.

 _There is a woman out there...carrying_ **_his_ ** _child, a child I know Gideon would want to be involved in the life of._

The assassin also found himself angry at Morrigan’s departure. She essentially used Gideon for her own devices...but she still saved his life. And that was something he’d eternally be grateful for.

“...Let’s go,” Gideon said after a long minute, “we should all have our wounds tended to, and then head to the palace.”

They all dutifully followed him, as usual, hearts and minds no lighter than before.

* * *

 “Are you...sure you’re not upset about what happened? Between me and Morrigan?”

The night after the battle had also been a long candle burn for them, as they were both processing what had occurred. Now they lay intertwined in the dark, not quite ready to sleep.

“I promise. How could I be angry that you are here, with me now?

Gideon sighed out his nose, “I know, but I can’t help but shake this feeling of... _wrongness_ from the whole thing.”

Zevran kissed under his jaw, “I understand, but we shall focus on the positives. You are alive, I’m alive, and we are together.”

“You’re right, of course,” his kissed his elf, “I’m infinitely glad for those things.”

“Let us forget about the witch. Ferelden is safe, and so are we, at the moment. Now, our candle has long since been out, and I believe the lark is rehearsing for his first performance. We should sleep.”

Gideon nodded, and pulling Zevran tight against him. Zevran settled into the embrace, burying his face into his Warden’s chest with a sigh, both cursing and praising Morrigan in equal measure in his mind.•

**Author's Note:**

> I'm slightly nervous about the end. It's underwhelming partly on purpose, like Zevran didn't really get any, not closure exactly, but resolution. Oh well, let me know what you guys think.


End file.
